 May, 26
I am Natasha. I invented this. I decided that I should start my record with the text of out agreement, otherwise it won’t be clear. This is how it all happened. It was our prom night at school, it was nothing special, should I not say boring. Bright light in the gym, converted into the dance floor, tape recorder and Mymra on duty.
Mymra is our form master, and that is their (from masters’) duty to guard our morals at the prom.
Mishka, passing by, whispered to me “Come to the attic’. I pretended I did not hear, waited for him to be gone. In ten minutes I left the room stealthily. There was a crowd on the stairway, many were drunk. I went along the corridor to another stairway, there was nobody here, and having made sure that nobody saw me, went upstairs. The door to the attic was open and I felt cool draft coming out of it.
I took a step up, another one…
My heart sank, I did not know why I was going there. Honestly, I was hoping Mishka will be alone, so that we would gossip about things, sure he would try to kiss me, so what?
I was sure I always would be able to stop him.
Somebody’s cool hands, one on the right another on the left, so he is not alone, I thought regretfully, they pulled me into the opening carefully, making sure I did not hurt myself.
There were five of them, drinking some sort of crappy drink. They made me sit on a bench, providently covered with a paper, and getting used to the moonlight gradually, coming from a roof window, I was able to make out the faces of my night drinking companions.
They were just a little tipsy, spoke loud, then becoming aware of their screams all of a sudden would go to whistling whisper.
All five were students from my class. Three guys and three girls. There had been two, I was the third.
They we telling jokes mostly.
They plashed something into a glass for me to drink, I swallowed and the hot warmth pored all over my body. We were sitting in couples, tight against each other and I was excited filling Mishka’s shoulder. Once in a while we would bend forward to reach something from an impromptu table, and touch my knee settling back.
At first I thought those touches to be just accidental, but when after another reaching out for something his hand remained on my knee, I smiled to myself and understood that there is nothing accidental in relations between the two sexes.
I did not push his hand away, besides other couples were sitting already holding each other. Mishka understood it as a go-ahead and moved his hand higher, and when I bent forward to grab a slice of sausage from the table, Mishka’s hand became clutched between my belly and thigh.
To tell the truth – it was exciting and pleasant, as if I was touching something forbidden but sweet for the first time. I set like that for awhile, not moving back, then leaned backwards, took his hand off my knee, and put it behind my back saying ‘I am cold, make me warm’.
And here I spoke up. I suggested we make up and sign an agreement.
I put it in the pocket of my skirt, only now I soothed it out and having reread it, copied carefully to my notebook.
I wonder if anybody but me would keep a diary?
The end of the night was not really interesting. We got down from the attic, the crowed cheered us up, Mymra tried to sniff alcohol, but me made a quick escape, or probably she just did not feel like making a row, basically she is not bad, and we love her in a way.
Mishka and Igor invited themselves to see me and Lenka home. We, girls, were holding each others hands, like stupid, the guys followed behind.
We tried to sing, Lenka is a good singer, I have no voice at all, so our singing sucked. Intoxication was wearing out, Lenka and Igor stopped because we came to her block of flats, we stopped too, we were a long time saying goodbye to one another, finally they entered the building and we went further. Mishka put his arm on my shoulders. We went in silence, the night was dark, I felt good.
Near my building Mishaka started pulling me away from the entrance way carefully, I gave in, did not know why, and understood he was leading me towards the nearby kindergarten.
- I have to go home, it is late – I whispered, but followed obeying his hand.
We will just sit there for a little while, the night is beautiful – he hissed in a coarse voice I hardly recognized.
We entered the playground, there were little pavilions all around – roofed structures for children to play in when the weather was not so good.
I had gone to this kindergarten when I was a kid myself and new that in each of those pavilions there was a table, low as a couch, and suddenly I realized that this was where experienced Misha was taking me – to a pavilion, that he would make me sit on that table, would try to kiss me and so on…
I remembered that it was there, in one of these pavilions, that we found a strange thing when we were little kids – it looked very much like a balloon, only it was a long one. Boys must have known more about it, so they began to throw it in the air, picking it up with a stick, giggling and aiming at us, girls. Only years later, one of my friends explained to me what that thing was meant for, and then I recalled where I saw it for the first time. Now this memory hit me, because all of a sudden I was struck by the connection between that rubber, kindergarten pavilion, black night and us with Mishka, sneaking along the dark alley. I became a bit scared.
But, I went on, what made me do so, I do not know. I did not especially like Mishka, but went on, just resisting slightly. I snatched at the wooded frame of the entrance to the pavilion, tried to object.
- Let’s sit here – said Mishka and set on the low table himself.
- I do not want to.
- Come on, sit down, why not?
He took me in his arms and pulled close to him. I would have been better off having set down.
My breasts were right opposite his face, unexpectedly he rose and kissed me on my neck. I blushed. Of course, I kissed with boys before, but never before situation was not so unpredictable and dangerous.
He was holding my waist tight with his left hand, his right arm I felt on my thigh, hot and soft palm, sliding upwards cautiously, dragging the hem of my skirt with it. I tried to break away, but he was holding me tight, whispering something at my neck, his hand was moving up and down, stroking my legs, and I could not do anything about it.
- Misha, Misha, let go, please don’t. – I whispered.
- Let me stroke you a little, please, my girl.
- You will crumple my dress, - I babbled as if it was the most important thing.
- I’ll be careful, please.
His palm slid all over my panties, touched my belly over them, went below and stopper at the most intimate spot. I wriggled, I tried to break free, but that caress must have been stronger than me. He pressed his body against mine even harder, and having turned me around, made me sit on the table. His face was next to mine, he leaned and kissed me, slightly at first, very carefully, then having realized I did not struggle, bit into my lips passionately.
Nobody had kissed me like that before, besides his hot palm was caressing me down there, all that drove me into indescribable state.
When he stopped kissing me, I was able to gasp some air and managed to whisper:
- God, what are you doing to me…
- Have not anyone caressed you before?
- Let go, you shameless… How about your Lidochka – suddenly I remembered about the rumors that Mishka and Lidochka, had done it…
- Never mind Lidochka…
Here I broke free from his arms abruptly, jumped off the table and stepped aside. My face was burning, body shaking treacherously, but I gathered strength to gain control over the situation, he remembered about another girl, and that made my senses come back to me.
- Let’s go home – I said.
- Come on, let’s stay some more.
- Already have.
- Let’s meet tomorrow.
- You are not dating anyone, let’s be together.
- You are dating everyone instead.
- Why are you so mad?
- Nothing, let’s go home.
He stood up, came up to me, embraced me carefully, but I was not scared anymore, we kissed, but that kiss was different from the one a minute ago.
Cautiously and quietly we went out of the pavilion, he was embracing my shoulders lightly, I breathed in full chest of air and felt myself a little bit older. We came to my house, the moon was full and I felt a little sad.
- So will I see you tomorrow?
- Not tomorrow.
- Then when?
- Someday, - I decided to torture him a bit
- Ok, see you around, - he pulled me over and grabbed my breast with his free hand.
- Let go, you’re crazy, - broke free and ran to the entrance to my block of flats.
I fell asleep at once and slept like a log. I the morning I thought a lot of what to do with the diary, but decided I will write everything as it is, and see later.
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